myellenficent:

- Coffee?
- You bet.

logan-howltt:

Jake Gyllenhaal as Robert Graysmith in Zodiac (2007)

jenniferlawrencesnapped:

I know that nothing can change and I know there is no hope. (First Reformed)

elak-varg:

Fantastic beasts and where to find them:

Seven psychopaths:

Fright Night:

Saving Mr. Banks:

martymartinloki:

anarchetypal:

so i’m currently working at a law firm and the other day one of the attorneys was talking to me and he mentioned that he’s “not very confrontational” and i was like you are?? a lawyer???

and he said “yeah but in court there are rules. i can argue with some shmuck in a suit in front of a judge no problem, but when i leave the courthouse and go home i’m not gonna argue with my wife about dinner. there are no rules in our kitchen. i would die.”

there are no rules in our kitchen.  i would die.

softglenn:

dennis realising™ he’s not straight 

thetaxedermy-ofyouandme:

butchmachine:

switchbladesounds:

Jay Pharaoh’s John Mulaney impression

Holy shit

That wasn’t an impression John Mulaney possessed him

aelita15:

toolmutual:

interrogation scene in a movey where the guy refuses to cooperate and he’s like “fuck you” and spits blood and the people interrogating him are like “what the fuck. nobody’s even hit you yet. where did you get all that blood from”

i think that’d be funny

“Dude are you ok”

fantasticbeasts:

Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald (2018) tv spot

John Mulaney quotes I identify with

jeffersonxjinkx:

on a deep, spiritual, personal level:

• “I meant to learn about cars, and then I forgot.”
• “I have a girlfriend now myself, which is weird because I’m probably gay based on the way I act and behave.”
• “I could never dress goth, and don’t get me wrong. I’m unhappy, it’s not that.”
• “It is 100% easier not to do things than to do them. And so much fun not to do them! Especially when you were supposed to do them.”
• “Whoa! That tall child looks terrible! Get some rest, tall child! You can’t keep burning the candle at both ends!”
• “I was raised Catholic. I don’t know if you can tell that from the everything about me.”
• “I thought I was gonna be murdered my entire childhood!”
• “What is college?” *incoherent babbling*
• “I was sitting up in bed a few weeks ago like [groans]. You know, life?”
• “When I walk down the street, I need everybody, all day long, to like me so much.”